The sun rises every day. Grass is green. Water is blue. Bud Selig is terrible at his job. These are things we all know are true.

There could be an entire blog devoted to the dumb things that Bud Selig has done and said, and probably will do or say. The latter has the potential to become a weird genre of fan fiction. Personally, I just find it disgusting and I don’t want to think about it. What will Bud think of next?

For now, we’re just going to talk about Major League Baseball’s divisions, leagues, and playoff structure. Old Bud thinks he’s doing some good, but the general populace thinks he’s one step away from being the titular character in “Weekend at Bernie’s.”

Since my parents always told me not to complain about things unless I had a solution, here I am, with a dream (crazy) solution, one that will solve all problems with the divisions, leagues, and playoff structure. Or not, but at least it’s creative.

When I first got into baseball, there were two leagues and two divisions. Four teams went to the playoffs. It was straightforward, and minus that one year in the ’90s, I never had to worry about where the Phillies factored in that setup. It made things easy for me.

With expansion teams and the overall changing face of MLB, it’s time to shake things up! Senile old Bud wants to promote regional rivalries, and to be honest, I’m with him there. Let’s get rid of the AL/NL and turn it into Eastern and Western Leagues. It works for the NBA and NHL! As much of a purist as I am, now seems as good of a time as any for that.

Here is how I would structure the divisions (this first came to me after hitting my head on my toilet):

Northeast: Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees, New York Mutts, Philadelphia Phillies, Baltimore Orioles, Washington Natinals (6)
Great Lakes: Pitts(burgh Verified) Pirates, Cleveland Indians, Cincinnati Reds, Detroit Tigers, Toronto Blue Jays (5)
Southeast: Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Miami Art Deco Marlins, Houston Astros, Texas Rangers (5)

Upper Midwest: Minnesota Twins, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, St. Louis Cardinals, Kansas City Royals, Milwaukee Brewers (6)
Upper Pacific: Colorado Rockies, San Francisco Giants, Oakland Athletics, Seattle Mariners (4)
Southwest: Arizona Diamondbacks, San Diego Padres, Los Angeles Dodgers, Anaheim (which is 27 miles from LA) Angels (4)

Will it work? Probably not. Does it look good on paper? That’s debatable. But I like it, and I think there’s some merits here. Geographical rivalries remain, and a number of traditional rivalries are retained as well. Also, it breaks down as being 16 (east) and 14 (west), which is uneven, but schedules would be structured like they do it in the NHL/NBA.

You’re probably wondering about the DH, and if I really wanted to have my way, all pitchers would bat all of the time, but the union would have something to say about that. We’ll retain a vestige of the “old” AL/NL and have pitchers bat in only “NL” parks. But really, let’s get rid of the fucking DH.

The playoffs would be scaled back – none of this second Wild Card baloney that the barely sentient Selig has implemented. Each league gets three playoff spots, which would simply be the end of season division leaders. The best team in each league gets a bye for the first round of the playoffs, and they play the winner of the 2nd vs. 3rd place series.

Like I said, it’s all a dream…

Maybe we can talk about his other foibles later.


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